Lessening Anxiety and Depression’s Grip on Me: A Year of Being Alcohol-Free
“What’s the point?”
That was the response when the older woman on our tour of Monaco realized our beers were alcohol-free. We just laughed it off as her husband tried not to look too mortified.
This exchange took place on the tail end of our long-awaited trip to Paris and the French Riviera. And it was just one of many awkward interactions over the past year of going alcohol-free.
Today marks the one-year anniversary of the day I stopped drinking for my mental health. Coincidentally, it’s also the start of Mental Health Month. Funny enough, I didn’t plan my alcohol-free (AF) journey to coincide with Mental Health Month. It actually just happened that way. I had been “sober curious” for a while but hadn’t been ready to pull the plug on my old faithful friend, alcohol. Then, a series of unrelated events happened last April that led to my decision to stop drinking once-and-for-all.
The thing is, when I decided to stop drinking, I didn’t actually drink all that much. My days of binge-drinking three nights a week were long gone, and I was an occasional drinker at best. However, when I did drink, it was usually the activity — brewery hopping, tailgating, etc. Even if alcohol wasn’t the activity, it was like steady background music–always there, keeping the energy flowing. Unfortunately, when I did drink, I would feel anxious and depressed for far longer than I would feel good. I believe the official name for that feeling is “hangxiety.”
By the time I seriously considered going alcohol-free, my business was picking up, and those long stretches of hangxiety were getting in the way of my productivity. Really, drinking just stopped making sense for me. Since I didn’t drink all that much, the actual stopping wasn’t the hard part. I hardly ever craved it. Plus, I have a strong sense of willpower.
The hard part was being a non-drinker in our world. Here’s the thing–our culture is obsessed with booze, and you don’t even realize it until you stop. Booze is not just the background music to our way of life–it IS our way of life. So as much as I tried not to put myself in situations centered around drinking, it was extremely challenging.
But, by far, the hardest part of this alcohol-free journey was the people. Yes, the people. The people I know and love. The people I sort of know. The people on my tour bus to Monaco. The people I don’t know from Adam. I’m not saying this to shame anyone because most people were supportive or eventually came around. I’m sharing this as more of a statement about our culture of booze than anything else.
When you’re someone that seriously struggles with alcoholism, and you stop drinking, it makes sense to people. They applaud you and encourage you. If you stop simply because you want to, most people genuinely don’t get it, especially if you had hobbies centered around drinking (key word, HAD). People think you’re being extra or going to extremes. Or they think it’s temporary.
In all fairness, I would’ve had the same reaction a few years ago. Jon likes to remind me that when we started dating, I vehemently said I couldn’t date someone who didn’t drink. So, I don’t blame people for being confused. I blame our culture, fueled by alcohol advertisers and plastered with not-so-subliminal messaging around the importance of booze. (Just read Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind and she’ll explain it a lot better than me.)
And when I say people were the hardest thing about going alcohol-free, I mean myself, too. It took a lot of confidence and courage that I didn’t think I had to make this bold move. There were so many times that I overthought situations, overexplained, and generally just made it so much harder on myself. However, as with most life changes, it just took time. After 6 or 7 months, I finally felt like being AF was just another thing about me, like hazel eyes or brown hair…nothing I had to feel bad about or explain.
Oddly enough, if I had to identify the best part about all of this (except for, you know, feeling better), I would also have to say the people. The best part has been meeting new AF friends, reading other people’s inspiring stories, getting encouragement, seeing the skeptics come around, and discovering how much I impacted people. That truly is what kept me going.
I did it, and I am going to keep going. I have no timeline for this AF life. Maybe it’s forever. Maybe it’s not. I do know that this year has brought me so much growth and confidence. I know that my lows would’ve been much lower and my anxiety much more crippling had I been drinking. So it brought exactly what I wanted–a happier, healthier Lauren.
This year also brought many unexpected moments, like several important people in my life embarking on their own AF journeys. Taking two major trips alcohol-free was not anything I ever saw myself doing. France and Vegas without booze–who am I?! I also picked up meditating, journaling, and lots of walks, which Tessie has loved. The only bummer is that it did not bring me too much closer to loving the gym or ridding myself of that pesky COVID 15. Given how much happier I am, I’ll take the trade-off any day.
Overall, this past year has been inspiring, encouraging, and gratifying. Yet it’s also been pretty eye-opening and downright discouraging, especially seeing how much our lives revolve around booze. Seriously, how can we solve our country’s alcohol problem? That I’m not sure. However, I am sure that making this move has lessened anxiety and depression’s grip on me. So now, I can only keep going.
Sober curious? Check out This Naked Mind by Annie Grace or follow my friend Jo Walduck on Instagram. There are tons more, so you might as well follow me on Instagram to find them all.
