One Year of Mental Health Advocacy: 6 More Truths

About a year ago, I wrote an article about my mental health journey. I thought a few Facebook friends would read it, and it would resonate with them. I never expected that article to spawn an entire advocacy arm of my business that is now growing into a life of its own called the Mentally Fit Founder.

Once the article took off and I could see what an impact it was having on people, I began submitting my work and my story to other media outlets, and I began speaking on the topic, which is how The Mentally Fit Founder was born. Right now, it’s an Instagram and TikTok moniker with mental health resources and stories. Eventually, it will be something bigger…once we add a few more hours in the day. I started my business to tell the story of companies impacting lives. Here I am, telling my own and impacting lives.

I want to pause and acknowledge that my mental health journey is ongoing. It’s never completely done. The past year has been one of incredible growth for me, which means there have been many mental health struggles. My anxiety and depression have reared their ugly head many a time. That means I have a whole new set of lessons in my back pocket. So, one year later, I am sharing six more truths.

1. Old habits die hard.

Old habits really do die hard. I’m not just talking about smoking or biting your nails. I’m talking about the way we view ourselves and how we let others treat us. One of my bad habits is being a people pleaser. I am someone who often puts the needs of others before my own and to a great extent.

However, if I want to become the most authentic version of myself and grow my business, I need to break this people-pleasing habit and unlearn these behaviors. But, suddenly sticking up for myself and setting boundaries is not something that happens overnight or even in a few months, despite what my brain may tell me. There is no nicotine patch for people-pleasing. I am slowly but surely building the skills to change this behavior.

2. You don’t owe anyone anything.

Along the same lines of people-pleasing, I’ve learned that I don’t owe anyone anything. Unless, of course, I borrowed something from you and never returned it. In that case, my bad!

The truth is that beyond tangible debts, you don’t owe anyone anything. Even if someone helped you get through a tough time, you don’t owe them anything. We shouldn’t do things for people because we want something in return. We should do things for people because we care about them. When you expect reciprocation, especially for something intangible, it strains the relationship. My brain told me that I owed something to the people that helped me along the way. I can certainly be grateful, but I do not owe anyone anything and neither do you.

3. You are allowed to give yourself grace.

While you definitely don’t owe anyone else anything, there is one thing you do owe yourself. Grace. Yes, one thing I’ve learned over the last year is to give myself grace. I’ve always been extremely hard on myself — a true perfectionist to the core. I believed I needed to do things right all the time and that mistakes were a sign of failure.

The truth is, I’m allowed to make mistakes and get things wrong. I’m human, and I’ve never done this entrepreneur thing before. How can I possibly know what to do in a situation I’ve never been in before? Sure, I can be prepared and learn from others. But, even with all the tools, I’m still allowed to miss the mark. I can give myself the grace to make mistakes, do things wrong, and struggle with change.

4. Everyone experiences things differently.

Part of giving myself grace was accepting that everyone experiences things differently. That may sound like a no-brainer, but so many times, I believed I was supposed to do a certain thing or react a certain way because that’s how someone else did. I kept gaslighting myself, telling myself I was wrong for my interpretations and experiences.

However, the truth is that no two people experience the same event the same way. Sure, the facts of the event stay the same, but each of us experiences and interprets those facts in our own way. You shouldn’t feel less than because you experienced something different than someone else. Your experiences are valid and true to you.

5. Trauma can mean different things.

On the note of subjective experiences, my brain told me I didn’t deserve to feel depressed because nothing traumatic ever happened to me. This year, I did a lot of research on mental health, and I learned about trauma. When we hear that word, we typically think of an experience or an event that puts someone’s life in danger. However, The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration [SAMHSA] explains that there are many different types of trauma and traumatic events, especially when considering that trauma is subjective. What one person sees as traumatic, another may not. That doesn’t make one person’s experience more valid than another — it just means people experience things differently.

I’m lucky enough to say that my life has never been in danger, but I have had traumatic experiences that have shaped who I am. Now, I’m working on accepting that those experiences impacted my life and there are ways to deal with them.

6. Everyone is dealing with something.

The other part of that goal is learning to accept that other people’s traumas may impact how they treat me. My brain assured me that when someone was rude or unkind, it was because of something I did, and they hated me. Luckily, that intense paranoia has lessened over time. However, over the past year, it became abundantly clear that to be successful in business, I cannot get tripped up by others.

If someone is being unkind, it’s likely a result of something else going on in their life. We live in a world of COVID-19, civil unrest, and personal traumas. Likely, the person that ignored your email, cut you off in traffic, or left an angry response on your social media is dealing with something. Of course, the concept of “you never know what someone is dealing with” is not a new lesson. The difference is that this year, I really had to believe it and apply it in my business and my personal life. I’m retraining my brain to pause before jumping to the conclusion that someone’s actions mean they hate me.

Friendly Reminder

The mental health crisis has only exacerbated since I wrote my first article. Now more than ever, we need to keep talking about it and helping people find the resources they need. We need to break the stigma.

I’ll end with the reminder I always offer — you are not alone. If you are struggling with your mental health in any capacity, you don’t have to suffer alone, and you don’t have to deal with it alone. I encourage you to seek out (legitimate!) resources and find the right support. And don’t ever for a second believe that your experiences aren’t valid and that you are broken. You are 100% worthy.